Revenge On 14th April

Why r u so angry? What did i do wrong? You got feelings but i don`t? Is that what you think i am?

And of course,i was angry about that night… The whole night was a joke…

Come on girl,dont pretend that you dont know any shit about my feelings for you… And i tell you what… What you heard before from them was right…

I fall in love with you! Can this answer satistify you? Its true… I really love you…

I dont know when does it happen but that is the feelings that growing bigger ang stronger from days to days that i feels… If you want to know why…

Would it need to have a reason to love someone?

Your smile,your laugh,your sweet faces,your touch,your joke,your naughtiness,your everything had melt my heart pieces by pieces day by day…

But,hey… what do you know? you got someone else and so do i!

And you… For your information… IM FUCKING CLEAR BOUT THAT!

I know that this is impossible… all the time! but from the moment i chosen to left tiara,i really hope girl,i really hope that i can at least spend the rest of my time with you… WITH YOU while i still can and i do!

And i got a brain,girl! I have a clear mind that my action on you is limited… Just a simple touch of your HAND can cure my whole night missing and dreaming…. ABOUT YOU!

Okay… That`s it for my feelings!

Now,the whole point… On that night! Okay… i`m taking SERIOUSLY about what you said to me…

“my boyfriend is out of town,so this is our only chance to go out together…”,do you still remember that…

Let me tell you now how much i was overjoy and happy and thankful for that one and only chances… that kind of chances for me is like one in a million!

And then,until that night… the moment of truth!

do you want to know why i want to go to MR2 first? girl,im not bill gates or sultan brunei that got zillions dollar in his bank… honestly i want to stay with you all the night! But yet,i got friends to care of… And i really can`t afford it on Beyond!

But when you guys come up,help us finish our drinks… you invite us down… i was glad… coz i really miss you that time! i sms you right?

Then,when we in beyond… Why? Why? Why?

Oh ya,the first time i meet you guys at Beyond! I still remember dayang say you guys were waiting for me… Then you unpredictably come and touch my body… That`s really make me uneasy! You already give me the feels that i was there only to open bucket or bottle that you wish for maybe for you guys? Feels that i`ve been used!

And next, we looks like two different world…. you got your enjoyment and i got my fucking loneliness… i didn`t ask for that! If you want to know…

THAT NIGHT IS ALL FOR YOU AND ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!

We feel isolated,and i can`t be selfish coz since you didn`t even try to talk to me… i rather stay with them…

And at the dance floor… You guys was in the middle… and me? i bet you saw me dancing with some Indian guys out from nowhere that i dont know…

even other people can share their enjoyment with me but not the one that i know for years!

And for you to know… I look at you constantly all the time i was there the whole night… I feel so stupid… and sad…

you was dancing with him… Do you know how i feel? damn i wish that guys was me! but,ITS NOT!

the whole night,i wish i can have at least one simple moment with you… is that too much…

just one moment… and everything i had done and sacrafies will be worthy!

the drink that make me out of budget to go back to kk,the car that i borrow to ……. to send one of our friend that drunk home and in return he crash it and i now to fix it need thousand! i could had gone with them… but i stay coz im still hoping for chances and miracle! on you….

and when its end… you turn your back on me… didn`t even ask or talk to me… not even a word!

i try to call and sms but none of it got reply!

And then finally i realised…

ITS ALL NOT FUCKING WORTHY!

for the trouble that i got in now? you wont understand… and i wont let you!

I didn`t ask for much zila… i didn`t ask for much…

i wouldnt do anything that may hurt you… i dont even dare to peek on your **** when you accidently show it… i dont have that kind of intention and i know you notice…

i care bout you… what makes you think that i will go out of my mind and beyond my limit that night…?

i dont love you because of your *****! i love you because my feelings told me to… and i want thing that i cant have and that is your heart!

that is the only thing i want…

So,is it? its not worthy to cry for me? well,i think its worthy to cry for you… ya zila,i cried because of you…

you happy?

do you happy for what you have done?

who is the one that should be blame?

is it me or you?

okay,let put it this way…

im sorry… coz i put too much hope on you that night and when you push me down from 20th floor… its hurt even more! my mistake… i went too high to reach you but then i fall… that is my mistake…

I`m Sorry!

i`m sorry… coz i didn`t try to talk or maybe try to earn much of your attention that night… i didn`t did well,my best… that is my fault…

I`m Sorry!

i`m sorry… that i just suppose or good if i just follow them back early and i woulnd`t live like shit right now thinking where the fuck should i find cash to fix my car… that is my fault… i shouldn`t have lend him!

I`m Sorry!

i`m sorry that i open that bottle and i just got one glass of it then you all take the rest… luckily i shared with zul… if not it will be more painful! til im fucking broke… but i shouldn`t open it but i did… So,thats on me too… so…

I`m Sorry!

Is that okay? enough? how is your heart feels? better?

do you know why dont i want to talk with you?

is because your every word keep killing my heart… my last day,you try to talk to me… i tell you on that moment… i almost cry beacuse my heart was so sick and painful!

i regret… regret for all of this!

do you still think that i had anything left for you… feelings?

to be friends? just friends?

i`ts empty now sweet heart… i`m an empty can right now…

i dont know what more thing i can give… i dont have anything left…

are you satisty now?

do you…? i`m sorry…

take care… bye!

Hey guys,i`ll be back soon…

How are you all been doing! Sorry,but it seems that i`m too buzy working til i dont have time to surf…

I did something that i`m not suppose to do, i ate something i`m not suppose to eat…

Til i gone crazy that night…

The last night…

I mess everything up,even with others customer chicks… Who i thought was a hooker….?! Well sorry to say but you really look like one…

Or am i just drunk?

Actually,if it wasn`t because of her… it could be safe! The situation i mean…

But,he was there… So a little bit upset… Haha…

Thinking bout her,she is really… Something! I cannot describe with words…. It just a… Feels! Understand? And i know its impossible,but i couldn`t let that feelings go… Its too strong!

By the way,my girl is beside me… playing the stupidest game ever…

I can`t really express myself… So,keep looking…

Be back soon!

Labuan…

The pearl of borneo…

Fills with tons of beers,cigars,hookers and shippers! hahaha…

What a dream place to be right? Hehehehe… I`m kidding….

Well,life been better… Work fine but you all know lar kan…

Still got some backstabber… Hypocrite… etc…

But im getting ued it…

like i have others choices…

im move out from the Tagalog Farm….

Damn i hate their races… Look uncivilies sometime….

Not all lar kay? No offense…. Peace!

so now living in town… cool lar sikit….

Girlfriend can work already… want to buy something just walk only….

save petrol lar… hehehe…

get to know new friends… not really consider friends larr…

i dont even know them well… haha… so,life great…

still up and down…

you dont want to hear about `down`…

I want but im out of time… so

take care…

keep looking… i`ll be back..!!! (ceh,cam terminator lar pulak!) hahahaha….

kepada peminat2 setia yg sudi baca blog sia…

sorry ya? lama ndak muncul… been buzy with my girl and my life…

so…

where do i start?

erm… family?

okay,so seperti biasa… nothing serious happen… just that they seem unhappy with my love life right now…

they actually turn their face off me now…

thanks mom… you`re not! thats why i say you are the best person im having for my life… i`m nothing without you… thanks mom!

i dont give a fuck about the other… do what you want,say what you wish,but dont disturb my life… you all just look for your own good,did you all ever ask me what i want and what i need?

okay? no im not okay…

i just need my mom… others are additional try to make my life more fucking complicated!!! understand???

fuh…

okay now…

carrier???

okay…

ermm… late to work,sometime like to go but sometime not… buat mcm kedai bapa sia saja…

but honestly,pigi pun buat apa? duduk saja tunggu customer… satu hari ndak sampai 500 business… what the fuck lar?

dtg pun kasi abis rokok,kasi abis gaji hutang minum jak…

bah,boring kan ntah mau buat apa?

but seriously,i dont have the effort to go far in kitchen life… ya,keep telling me about responsiblity… i understand…

bingo! i fucking too rely on my parents… so what?

i want to do it myself,but they never stop giving…

so,they so wanna help then help lar…

til one day they `du lan` already then im okay,i know what to do but the way… means the situation didn`t support me well… understand? that`s it… friend offering here and there…

keep telling me do what i like and that gonna make me happy…

erm… hey im enjoy sleeping… can i do that for living?

come on lar,work is work…

i`m going to labuan… 900 over salary in a hotel… i hope! still kitchen… but it will be one last try…

fail one more then i have to choose another path… another way… another carrier…

well,they all say im still young what?

haha…

hope im not gonna regret on this…

still actually… i`m running away from something!

something….

okay… now let me see…

ermmm… love???

okay,erm… we been getting along with each other very well… i guess… she need a lil bit changes to suit my life… i dont think im gonna change mine… i guess?

i`m a man what? but not too much lar… siapa jugak sia kan?

haha… well,nothing special happen yet… still hoping for not to special lar…

we are okay,but sometime i think too much… i always hurt her… maybe i was afraid… dont know lar… sometime even try to give up…

fuck man,im going to labuan and i dont know a shit what the hell she would do in kk…?

worried lar bah kay?

but,go with the flow lar…

can`t planned anything right now…

okay… now friends…

erm… sorry kay guys! yeah i`ve been busy just stick with my girl…

seldomly ask you guys out to `yam cha`… but rileks kay… i still got you all name in my friend list… in my heart kay? just the matter whoes the first and second best…

you all still great… i will spend some time with you all kay? dont worry…

sorry lar kay? hey,first time bah fall in love kunun… bagi muka sikit bah kay? hahaha…

thanks for those who understanding kay?

muacks!

well,nothing more i guess…

life is so damn tough… just the matter how you plan and walk and do and think! thats all…

but be careful,sometime plan didn`t go well as you wish or even you tried hard for it…

that is why sometime i feel life sucks! haha… is it?

haiyah… just another fuck dup night lar…

well… thats all! you take care ya?

bless you all… live happily… thanks for reading!

i`ll be back soon…

thanks!

negarakuku-namawee <- thanks to you too!!! wakaka…

they never stops…

keep coming,keep coming,keep coming!!!!!!!!

they here and there,my mind have to put here and there also…

fuck man!!! just one thing,im satisfy with what i got now…

family support,girlfriend cares,friend to be fuck…

what is more that i need???

nothing that is all…

carrier… maybe im not too focus on that one…

but i will someday…

i dont care am i too late or what…

just i just do anything to make my life go just fine…

even when the time i holding my own family…

feel so dizzy right now…

bingung!!! bingung!!! bingung!!!

hahaha…

dont know what to do?

just wait and see lar…

goooooooooo with th flowwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

hahaha…

thanks for reading!!!

Fuh… Finally,after days of suffering… Things seems to get better now! Thanks to my friend that keep ignoring me for a while! Make me realize that i just have to stand for my own…

And all the option that i had,all the decision that i`d made… its all just for and about me…

And i think i made the right choice… By letting her step into my life…

She got no problem with it so i was damn happy,and i heard she change so much than before… The power of love larr katakan!!! Hahaha…

Just laugh bro,you dont know how i feel now…

Try to think like this,what its like to wake up in the morning then saw her beside you waiting for a sweet moment…

Its was huging and kissing okay??? Not all the way sex… Fuck you bro!!!

We laugh,we share,she try to get to know me well and i was also doing the same thing… She got no problem hang out with my mom! But have a lil bit problem on breakfast time…

Ndak suka makan pagi… Weird right???

Haha… But,whatever bro… She`s the one!!!

But,this is different… The feeling grow slowly but more and more… It feel like… Hard to explain man!

Til finally i realize,argh…!!!!!!!!!!!

I`m in love mah…!!!

Hahaha… But,i feel happy with her now… And of course i get along with my mom very well now… I just can share almost my whole life with her now…

Lembut suda mulut sia mau berckp…

Hahaha… Not like before!!! Hard as stone…

And the revenge stuff??? Just forget about it… No use!!! Luckily my family didn`t give up on keep brain washing me…

But,they are true… So i`m thinking to give Him one more chance…

If He repeat the same things again… I swear i`ll find Him myself and stab Him with the Sword of Misery!!!

You know what i mean??? Hahaha… Stupid right???

Herm… Well,work just fine… I`m happy working at the Kopitiam…

Biar larr teda class,yg penting sia happy… Right???

And i`m learning to cook… Its not simple as cooking a meggi mee okay??? Chinese kitchen is a lot different than others!

Friends… Herm… Ranjit become so comfortable now!!! Blaming himself for my changes kunun… Minta puji!!! Prasan kunun dia!!! Ndak tau malu!!!

Others seems fine… but some of them not!!! Hahaha… Different people different characteristic right?

Just follow their rhytm lar… but if can`t… what to do!!!

I got a principle what??? Haha… But things just getting smooth now…

But i know bad things is on the way coming towards me…

But i`m not afraid… I fall before and if i manage to get myself up that time… Why not now and on-coming falls…? Right?

Hahaha… But i just know how to take responsiblity! As a son,a brother,a boyfriend and a human…

So bro`s,dont worry kay?

Tumpang gembira lar bah utk sia…

Okay,thats all!!! Thanks for reading!!!

Peace! Love you all so much!

And you… I miss you,len! A lot…

Life was sometime sucks but sometime enjoyable…

Cinta pandang pertama… Apa lar tu???

A lil bit of drunk right now…

My friends didn`t actually understand about me…

Bikin bingung bah dunia nie…

Sudala satu family kasi tinggal sia… Semua p kl hantar adik sia!!!

Tinggal sia satu urg jak… Ada seseorang tapi mcm teda…

bagus2 ada cinta tapi tidak menghargainya…

Actually sia bingung bah tue…

Kalau kamu tau crita sia memang kamu rasa weird lar…

bila la dia mau muncul??? i mean the real one lar…

and the worst is i didn`t even tell her yet…

and so…

bingung sajalar… maybe belum memahami apa itu cinta???
Arghh… bikin bingung saja!!!
Just now i talk with my uncle…

its about my father…

sucks…sucks… sucks…!!!

all of this was sucks,and all of this was fuck!!!

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the fuck is this????

Okay…

like i said…

blur…

whatever…

Getting tired of all of this…

Just realize that,where is the old me???

Also,just realize that,i have to just stand up for my own…

Maybe i was a lil bit of selfish sometime… Using my bro to gain sympathy…

Am i??? Confusing… I wish things can back like the old way…

If only i didn`t go to gaya sport that day… Argh,i think too much!!!

But,still… "that" wasn`t an option for me on enjoyment…

Its enough getting drunk with my friends… Its okay to not be loved…

Love makes me tired… Sorry girl,its my fault!!! Hate me,kill me… Do whatever you want…

But honestly,the first night… Haha baby,i will never fucking forget about it…

Tired of giving chances to myself,to others… i think this time i just wait for the right one to come…

Apa nie mau despreate cari chicks nie???

Hahaha… She will come into my life one day… Just wait!

I`ll wait…

Sorry girl,sorry…

Wahaha… AS i was saying… REGRET!!!!!!!!!

Wahaha… FUck me,Fuck Him,Fuck all… FUCK ALL!!!!

Wakaka…

But anyway,sorry bout that…

A bit emosional… Haha… Well,ermm… Where do i start?

Work? Tired,fucking exshauted… But,im happy with it… Actually my "Sifu"… He is great but sometime a lil bit crazy sometime…

Small kopitiam but its okay… Starting from the basic! Hell i cant go any where working at high class restoran or hotel…

Not that i can`t, but slow…

Life??? Boring,just going into a one step further… Is it??? Hahaha…

Entertaining,enjoy… But wont go crazy about it!!! Hey bro,pratice makes perfect right???? Wakaka…

Hey!No more fucking old dumb and stupid bukits okay???

I need a change…

Friend… Well,lesy going back to Kuching!!! Promise to make him "mabuk til ampai2" but i can`t…

Aiso tusin bah les! Tunggu time Chirstmas lar.. Wakaka…!!!

Erm…

Apa lagi ahh…

Arghh… Tu jak larr…

Wait for my next blog kay??

Thanks for reading!!!

Aramitii all way!!!

Wargh…!!!!!!!!!!!!

As i said,my previous acc was blocked cause i didn`t surf for almost half year… Kind of miss the internet life!!! Haha… Past few weeks,something bad happen to my family… I had lost a brother! A brother that i always thought that he is some kind of bad influence to our family,bringing only disgrace and shameless to our family!!! Thinking that he is not but just a trouble and trash in our house,and always hope that im the one who should be the first… But now its change… My thought kill myself!!! Regret,regret,regret… The only thing that i can only think now is regretness… You never know how to appreciate someone until the day he is gone… But there always "too late"… I hate that words!!! I`ve done enough for him,all the prayers,burned money… I dont know what can i do more… Where is he now? Not even a dream… My family getting worst than ever! Its looks okay by the outside,but inside our heart… The emptiness and the sadness will never fill and heal! I hate myself… Why? Its fcuking too soon… How can anyone accept this? That bitch,she is very really lucky… But good for me cause still can sitting here writing my blogs rather than lock up in jail waiting for freedom!!! She will pay one day… Not today and tomorrow but… One day i swear she will pay!!! Im so blur,stress,tired of the fcuking job that i working now… Kitchen equal hell!!! Haha… Well,thats its for now… See you on my next post!!! Thanks… Bye!

Where is he now? I miss him…